


no love lost

by labyrinthsend



Series: no love lost [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Asexuality, Gen, Rare Pairings, Senpai-Kouhai Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 18:39:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8856532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrinthsend/pseuds/labyrinthsend
Summary: In Kasamatsu's second year of university, new underclassmen join his school's basketball team — all of whom, impossibly, manage to be even more annoying than Kise. Or, Kasamatsu's life is invaded by Seirin and is the good senpai that none of them deserve.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just really love Kasamatsu. He's so beleaguered.

Kasamatsu has gotten at least twenty texts from Kise in the last two minutes, but he refuses to check any more of them until practice is over. It's always useless crap anyway, like smug selfies of himself on sunny beaches in winter or oddly specific questions about basketball. Recently he's been asking questions about being captain, and Kasamatsu has sympathy up to a point — but two days ago Kise had texted him in a panic about whether boxers or briefs were more captainy and he's giving the little shit the cold shoulder until Kise gets his head together.

"Yo, you don't need to get that?" Sohma asks, eyebrows raised. He's a first year like Kasamatsu, from some school in Ishikawa that Kasamatsu's never heard of. The two of them are sitting off the the side of the court, taking a breather, and Kasamatsu's phone hasn't stopped vibrating since he texted Kise a terse _I swear to god Kise_ and then left it at that. He misses the days when he could just drop-kick Kise in the face. It never fixed anything, but it had been incredibly satisfying.

"No," Kasamatsu says.

Sohma smirks. "Clingy girlfriend?"

Kasamatsu scowls and takes a swig from his water bottle too aggressively, making some of the water spill out of the sides of his mouth. He answers gruffly as he wipes his face with his shirt, irritated with himself and Kise. "An irritating underclassman from high school, just made captain and wants advice."

Sohma raises an eyebrow. "I think dating high school girls at our age is inappropriate," he observes mildly, making Kasamatsu choke on his second attempt to drink water.

"Fuck!" he shouts when water goes all down his front. He glares at Sohma, who fails to look contrite. "No, he's from my high school basketball team! He! Not my girlfriend!"

"A illicit gay romance between brothers in arms then," Sohma sighs dramatically. He frowns. "That age gap is still inappropriate if it's gay though. You ought to wait a few more years, Kasamatsu."

All the blood rushes right to Kasamatsu's head. He can't decide whether he's more angry or embarrassed, but settles on angry because it's easier and feels less complicated. "I'm not having an illicit gay romance with Kise!"

"That's good to hear," because of course that's when Moriyama decides to join them again, "I don't think Kise would survive and Kaijou's going to need their captain if they're going to beat Seirin this year."

"I hate you," Kasamatsu snaps resentfully. "Why did you leave me alone with this asshole?"

Sohma says, "You love me, maybe _I'm_ your secret gay lover—" 

At the same time, Moriyama says, "There was this cute girl and I swear her eyes were calling for me to sweep her up in my arms—"

"I'm leaving," Kasamatsu decides, "I'm leaving this country because I'm going to murder you two and I don't want to go to jail." They both make cooing noises at him in response and _he swears to god he is going to kill them both—_

A whistle signals the ends of the break and Sohma throws a cheerful arm over Kasamatsu's shoulders to drag him over to where Coach Niwa is glaring daggers at them. "It's okay, lover," Sohma whispers into his ear conspiratorially, "I'm good at keeping secrets!"

Kasamatsu shoves him into Moriyama, who lets out a high-pitched shriek in surprise.

Everyone stops to stare at him. Long seconds of silence pass as Moriyama's face makes a concentrated effort to turn into a tomato.

The moment is broken when Coach Niwa snorts in laughter, which is honestly the most terrifying thing that's happened to them all year.

 

-

 

The beginning of second year there's a small flood of new members on the team, a distressing number of which are from Seirin. Aida Riko had been scouted aggressively by their school in her last year and she had somehow managed to drag the former captain of Seirin and Iron Heart into the deal. The both of them stand uneasily behind her now, looking lost and vaguely apologetic as she and Coach Niwa continue their individual attempts to stare each other down. 

"I look forward to working with you," Aida says, all her teeth showing. 

Kasamatsu thinks she hasn't blinked in over three minutes, but surely that can't be right. Moriyama shifts nervously next to him. Sohma says softly, so only Kasamatsu can hear, "Looks like this is going to be an interesting year."

"Likewise," Coach Niwa grits out. He's a traditionalist, and he's been vocal about his disapproval of a high school girl joining the coach ranks at their school. He's the head coach of their team and Kasamatsu is a little scared to consider what strings had been pulled to get this girl at their school.

The both of them slowly bring their right hands up to shake. It takes so long that Kasamatsu nearly passes out because he's holding his breath.

Kasamatsu is pretty sure neither of them have blinked yet.

"Ah!" someone screams outside in the hallway, "It's you!" This outburst is followed by the sound of running feet, and then the gym door slams open to reveal one more person that Kasamatsu recognizes, although he is significantly more rumpled and terrified-looking than Kasamatsu remembers.

"Oh, Izuki, you made it," Hyuuga says, pleased.

"I'm under attack!" Izuki exclaims and runs to the other side of the gym in a panic. Coach and Aida don't even flinch when he and a second blur pass by them at close range.

Kiyoshi squints. "Hayama?"

"You'll never be faster than me!" the former Rakuzan small forward roars and throws himself at Izuki's back, but Izuki jumps out of the way at the last second.

Hayama flips in the air with a mad grin on his face and somehow lands on his feet before jumping forward for a second attack, which the other boy ducks under. "You're still not smarter than me," Izuki taunts back. Hayama roars and launches himself at Izuki again.

Ogawa barks at them, "Hey! Calm down newbies!" and is soundly ignored despite his authoritative captain voice.

"This is not going to end well," Sohma muses, eying him warily. 

Kasamatsu grimaces. Ogawa's a good captain, but he's also occasionally petty and prone to holding grudges and Coach Niwa seems too preoccupied to prevent that from happening now, even though it could put their team's development back _weeks._

"For fucks sake," he mutters to himself, feeling irritation bubbling up his spine. He marches forward before anyone else does something stupid and reaches out to smash the idiots' heads together.

Hayama stumbles back. "Ow, what the fuck!" 

Izuki falls back on his ass, too startled to even speak. He looks up at Kasamatsu looming over him and his mouth drops open.

"Kasamatsu-san?" Izuki blinks at him, then beams up at him like Kasamatsu hadn't just brained him with Hayama's skull. There's a red mark on his forehead, small and angry-looking. "I mean, senpai! Long time no see!" 

Kasamatsu does not have a good feeling about this.

 

-

 

The rest of practice goes about as well as can be expected after that, which is to say that it descends into chaos. Aida and Coach Niwa join forces to berate Hayama for attempting to attack another player, a lecture which Izuki has to sit through too despite being the victim of said attack. At least three people get hit in the face because they're too busy watching the spectacle and get their own chewing out from Ogawa.

Kiyoshi has to go to the physical trainer's office because apparently he's not even allowed to be practicing right now. "Riko recruited me to be part of her posse for her first meeting with the coach," he'd explained sheepishly to Kasamatsu and Moriyama after being introduced to Sohma. He rubs the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry for causing such a fuss."

"Posse," Sohma muses, eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "Is that what they're calling it these days?" Weirdly, both Kiyoshi and Hyuuga go bright red. Kiyoshi sputters some excuses and then makes a strategic retreat, leaving Hyuuga behind. 

That's definitely weird. Kasamatsu looks at Moriyama, who shrugs in response, and then at Sohma. Sohma looks like he's found God and that's disturbing enough that Kasamatsu decides that he never, ever needs to know.

"We should get to, uh," Hyuuga makes a gesture that means absolutely nothing to Kasamatsu, then coughs. "Uh, practice."

"Thank god," Kasamatsu says fervently.

The team is pretty big and the new first years still have to go through the usual physical checks so that the coaches have a better idea of what they can do. That's something of a relief because it means Kasamatsu doesn't have to deal with whatever human drama Sohma's interested in now if the subjects of which are in a different gym. 

Sohma and Moriyama trick Kasamatsu into paying for dinner by appealing to his motherly instincts, which Kasamatsu _definitely doesn't have_ , no matter what these idiots say, so they go to Maji Burger after practice. He glares at Sohma suspiciously when he sees the four new first-years from Seirin already inside, sitting.

"What?" Sohma says innocently, as if he is not the heart of their team's gossip network, and then leads the way over to their table.

Kasamatsu glares at him more when it becomes apparent that the four haven't even ordered any food, as if they were waiting for a certain someone. The way they turn together to greet them is basically a confession. They don't even bother to pretend to look surprised, although Kiyoshi glances at Kasamatsu and Moriyama standing behind Sohma with some resignation.

"Fancy seeing you here!" Izuki says cheerfully and incongruously before Kasamatsu can punch someone. "Although, to be honest, this is not the fanciest burger joint I've ever seen."

Hyuuga, sitting beside him, groans. "Can you _not._ "

Sohma slides into the booth next to Kiyoshi, dragging Moriyama along with him. The booth isn't quite big enough for all of them, so Aida ends up squished between Kiyoshi and the wall.

"Sorry, sorry," Kiyoshi mumbles under his breath as he tries not to crush her.

Aida says, "Just — give me a moment," and wiggles around so that her back is to the wall and her legs are half draped over Kiyoshi. It's a warm day and she's wearing a short skirt, which she tugs down triumphantly after situating herself comfortably. Both Kiyoshi and Hyuuga have gone bright red again and they're somehow managing to look at everything but her and each other despite the close quarters.

Izuki coughs.

Kasamatsu eyes him and then the only open seat next to him, and asks suspiciously, "You're not sick, are you? I don't want to catch a cold from you."

All six people sitting in the booth right now turn to look at him. "So pure," someone whispers, and Kasamatsu is pretty sure it's Moriyama.

Izuki's eyes are suspiciously shiny, but he says, "Ah, no, that was, um, allergies." He sneezes, as if to prove a point.

"That sounded fake, but okay," Kasamatsu says dubiously. "If I get sick, I'm billing you for my doctor's visit."

"Sure," Izuki says, and pats the empty space next to him in invitation with an unnecessary amount of cheer.

The casual insolence from the underclassman reminds Kasamatsu of Kise and pisses him off a little. "Don't," he snaps, plopping himself down in the seat. Izuki is a steady warmth at his side. For whatever reason, that annoys him even more.

Izuki frowns. "Don't what? I haven't done anything."

His face is close enough that Kasamatsu can see a faint dimple in his cheek that might show up more clearly if Izuki smiled instead. "Never mind," he grumbles and looks across the table to see the four others staring at him curiously. "What?"

Hayama shows up fifteen minutes later, which is a relief because it had mostly been fifteen minutes of Sohma talking at all of them with occasional interjections from Moriyama and the odd question from Aida.

"You can call me Coach," she says magnanimously, right before Hayama crashes down on her head, literally.

"There you are, you little upstart," he says to Izuki, and lunges forward.

Kasamatsu has had quite enough. He stands up for leverage, grabs Hayama by the front of his shirt, and then uses the other boy's momentum to flip him over their heads and onto the table in the booth next to them. The girls sitting at the table scream hysterically and then jump up to start tearing at Kasamatsu's face with their nails. He throws up his arms to protect himself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he yelps. 

Moriyama comes to help him and gets a high-heel jammed in the thigh for his trouble. "Ow," he wheezes and crumples to the floor. The girl screams again and drops to her knees beside him, presumably to finish him off, which leaves two more women with long, lacquered nails to do their damage.

Hayama groans from his place on the table. "What the hell happened?" Kasamatsu can't resist giving him a good kick in the shin, which is enough distraction for the girls to land a good scratch on one of his cheeks. It's worth it though.

"Stop!" 

Mercifully they do. Kasamatsu peeks through his raised arms to see Hyuuga looming over them with his arms crossed. He looks like the captain Kasamatsu remembers meeting at the Winter Cup, determined and unwilling to give even an inch. Izuki is squatting next to the girl sitting next to Moriyama. Unexpectedly, she is crying. Moriyama looks okay though, he's not even bleeding. Unless that's why she's crying?

Kiyoshi has one hand on the shoulder of one of Kasamatsu's attackers, but his grip is loose and he's looking at his friend like Hyuuga's the most amazing thing he's ever seen. That look shifts and then catches on something behind Hyuuga, and turns into something almost worshipful.

"Hayama…" 

Kasamatsu takes an automatic step back at the menace in that sugary sweet voice, and flinches when Aida steps out from behind Hyuuga smiling. There is a shoe mark on her face. 

Everyone quickly gets out of her path, Izuki physically dragging Moriyama. The girl with the heels helps.

Hayama sits up, rubbing his back with a frown. He obviously hasn't registered his danger yet. "What the—"

Aida grabs the front of his shirt. "Come with me." Without letting go of his shirt, she marches off towards the front door.

Hayama has better survival instincts than Kasamatsu expected, because he just follows meekly behind. Everyone stares after them for a moment.

Izuki coughs again.

By the time they come back, Sohma's rearranged all of them into the two booths. Sohma and Moriyama are chatting with the girls, while Kasamatsu is stuck with the first years. He's sitting with Izuki again, across from Hyuuga and Kiyoshi, but at least everyone has more room now. He crosses his arms and glowers at the lot of them.

"Sorry for the trouble," Kiyoshi says meekly.

"Stop apologizing," Hyuuga snaps, eyes still steely. "It's Hayama's fault."

"Yeah," Kasamatsu agrees. He and Hyuuga meet eyes across the table and it's like they have a moment, former captain to former captain. Mysteriously, Kasamatsu feels a thousand times better about these first years than he had half an hour ago. A tension in his shoulders he didn't know he'd had eases.

This is, of course, when Kise starts messaging him again.

Kasamatsu bears their stares stoically for a minute before the continuous vibrating gets to him. "Just, a moment," he mutters disjointedly, searching his pockets for his phone.

 _Kasamacchi-senpai,_ says the newest one, _did you know that half of Seirin is going to your school?_

The others don't deserve to be read, but Kasamatsu scrolls through them with gritted teeth just in case there is something important up there. Kise has a tendency to hide his true feelings in a wave of bullshit, which means he has to wade through all the crap in case he misses something important.

Most of it is Kise deciding on his own that it's the captain that makes the underwear, not the either way around, and he complains about his manager pushing him to do a drama. _it's like she thinks basketball is just a game_ is wedged in between _does buying snacks for the new members look too much like a bribe_ and _I wonder if she will ever manage to pull that stick out of her ass._

Kasamatsu frowns down at his phone and types, _I'm at maji burg with seirin rn so yeah I know._ After a moment he bites his lip and adds, _basketball is just a game, but they can wait for you to actually graduate because you're worth it._ He hits send before he can think better of it.

There's only a few seconds before a response coming pinging back. _thanks senpai_

"Girlfriend?" Kiyoshi asks, distracting Kasamatsu from his surprise at the genuine response. He's smiling at Kasamatsu, eyes crinkled at the corners and nods knowingly.

Kasamatsu sputters. "No! It's Kise!"

Sohma's head pops up over the wall between their booths. "I thought I told you to wait a few years, Kasamatsu! Leave the high school boys alone!"

"I'm not having an illicit gay romance with Kise!" Kasamatsu snaps at him. "I'd rather die!"

"Poor Kise," Izuki says unexpectedly, and turns innocent doe eyes on Kasamatsu. "I'm sure that it will make him _ill_ to think his senpai would reject him so soundly."

Kasamatsu stares at him, stunned into silence at the awful pun. Izuki looks pleased with himself.

Hyuuga says again, "Can you _not._ "

"Dinner!" Aida announces, appearing suddenly with a tray laden with a mountain of hamburgers. 

The mountain groans and shifts heavily onto the table, a few hamburgers toppling down from the top and hitting the table with a dull thud, which reveals a harassed-looking Hayama.

"Why did you order so many?" Kasamatsu asks, horrified.

"Eh? I've seen Kagami eat this many on a normal Tuesday," she says, even more horrifyingly. She turns a dangerous look at Hayama. "Hayama graciously offered to treat us."

He flinches when she looks at him. "It was my pleasure?" he eeks out, and looks endlessly relieved when she smiles beneficently at him.

"Come sit with us," Sohma offers. Hayama looks grateful, but doesn't sit until it's clear that Aida is going to sit with Kasamatsu and the Seirin trio instead.

"And I thought Akashi was scary," Kasamatsu hears Hayama mutter.

"Who's Akashi?" Sohma asks, interested, and then Kasamatsu tunes out because he doesn't need to hear this again.

But then Hayama says casually, "My ex-boyfriend," which makes Kasamatsu choke on his own tongue.

"You're gay?" the girls squeal, which is ear-splitting, but at least hopefully covers Kasamatsu's bewildered, "Akashi?!"

"Like, full-on homo gay?" Sohma asks, which is definitely offensive but at least he sounds intrigued rather than disgusted.

"Full-on homo gay," Hayama confirms, peeking over the wall of their booth to gauge their reactions.

"Cool," Moriyama says, slightly muffled. Kasamatsu can't see him over the wall, but he suspects that his friend has started eating the hamburgers.

"You dated Akashi?" Hyuuga asks. He clutches his face in distress. "Why?!"

"He's very good at… things," Hayama says, somehow managing to imply sex without deviating from a straight face.

"That was a rhetorical question!" Hyuuga shouts at him, and then puts his face on the table. Aida pats him sympathetically on the back.

"I'm gay too," Izuki offers. One of the girls gasps.

Kasamatsu whirls around to look at him, but Hyuuga lifts his face up from the table and manages to say words before he can. "You are?" Hyuuga asks, bewildered. "How come we didn't know about this?"

"I knew," Aida says.

"I also knew," Kiyoshi adds, and then jerks as if someone had just kicked him under the table. "Ow!"

Hyuuga stares at them, and then looks at Izuki with a soft, hurt look in his eyes. "Why didn't I know?"

Izuki says, "You were a little busy at the time of my sexuality crisis, what with dying your hair blond and stalking historical figure sales online."

Moriyama's head pops up over the booth wall, an unopened hamburger in each hand. "You dyed your hair blond?"

"He grew it long too," Aida confirms. She pulls out her phone and waves it at Hyuuga with a smirk. Hyuuga makes a high-pitched sound of horror and betrayal. He grabs at her, but she jumps out of the booth laughing and Kiyoshi grabs him by the back of the shirt before he can follow.

"Riko!" Hyuuga bellows. "Don't — you — DARE!"

Moriyama drops a hamburger. " _Pictures,_ " he gasps like a dying man, "Coach, queen of my heart, I need pictures now."

"Give me your number, I'll send them to you," Aida says wickedly.

"Done," Moriyama says, whipping out his phone from god knows where.

"Me too!" one of the girls exclaims, and goes pink all over. Unexpectedly, it's the girl who'd stabbed Moriyama in the thigh with her heel. "I mean— I don't want the pictures. Can I have your phone number?"

"Sure," Moriyama says, charmed, as Hyuuga's head slams down on the table again.

"Just kill me now," he groans, "No one should have to suffer this kind of shame." 

Kiyoshi lets go of his shirt and pats him on the shoulder. 

Feeling bad for the guy, Kasamatsu says, "Here, have a burger," and puts two on Hyuuga's head when there's no visible response. Izuki snorts with laughter. 

Aida is cackling as she shoves herself into the other booth to exchange numbers with Moriyama. Hayama flees to their booth, pushing Kasamatsu into Izuki and forcing them to shuffle over for him. Kasamatsu feels the lean strength of Izuki's arm flexing through his sweater and remembers standing in on the court with Izuki at the Winter Cup, sure that Kaijou was going to be the one to win.

When they're done, Hyuuga says into the table, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Izuki shakes his head. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," he says.

"I'll say," Hayama says, through a mouthful of burger. "Even I knew."

There's a sudden, heavy moment of silence where everyone processes that. 

Then Hyuuga lifts his head and asks the question that no one wants answered. "What? How?" The hamburgers slide down his neck and hit the table.

"Hayama, don't," Izuki says, but it's too late.

"Well, he was dating Akashi, wasn't he?" Hayama says, and then slaps a hand over his mouth. "Shit."

"You were dating Akashi?" Hyuuga says quietly.

Izuki says, "He was very good at things," and then slaps his hands over his own face.

Kasamatsu can't handle this kind of drama and he can feel second-hand embarrassment crawling up his spine like a vise. He needs to get out of here. "Okay," he says loudly, and then shoves Hayama out of the booth. 

Hayama squawks and maybe hits his head on a nearby table, but Kasamatsu doesn't wait to find out. He grabs Izuki by the wrist and drags — literally drags, because Izuki is limp with shock and is absolutely useless at helping himself apparently, and Kasamatsu has an unfortunate soft spot for these kinds of idiots. 

It takes longer than it should, but eventually Izuki pulls himself together and gets himself out of the booth, and Kasamatsu grabs as many burgers as he can hold. "I'm taking these," he announces, and then kicks Izuki in the leg until he gets the message and starts heading out of Maji Burger. 

Once they're outside, Kasamatsu is a bit at a loss. Inside the shop the goal had been to get out, but they've achieved that now. With no better ideas, he starts walking towards the apartment he shares with Moriyama. 

Izuki falls into step beside him. Kasamatsu hands him a burger, which he takes with uncharacteristic docility and doesn't unwrap. "I'm sorry," he says, finally.

"Got nothing to feel sorry about," Kasamatsu grumps, and then hands Izuki another burger so that he has a free hand to unwrap one. He takes a big bite, chews it thoroughly, and then swallows to buy himself more time to think about what to say next. "Not to me at least. That was a kind of shitty thing to spring on a friend."

"Yeah," Izuki says, staring forlornly at his feet. Eventually he unwraps a burger and starts eating it.

There's a park on the way to his apartment that Kasamatsu leads Izuki into. He finds a free bench and sits, leaving space for Izuki to sit if he wants.

Izuki sits, and they work through the rest of the burgers together silently.

When the burgers are gone, Kasamatsu says, "Really? Akashi?"

"It wasn't my idea," Izuki says defensively.

"Whose idea was it then?" Kasamatsu asks, morbidly curious.

Izuki lets out a long breath, closes his eyes and slumps against the back of the bench, his head tipping backwards. Kasamatsu watches the tendons in his neck stretch and work around a swallow. "Akashi is hard to say no to," Izuki says, "He tends to get what he wants."

Kasamatsu thinks about basketball players falling to their knees for Akashi on the court, tries to imagine that kind of focus and charisma focused on himself. He shivers. "I can imagine."

Izuki looks at him then, sharp and too understanding. "It was only for a couple months," he says finally. "Only enough to get close but not fall in love."

"Really?" Kasamatsu asks before he thinks, and then waves his hands in the air as he backtracks. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask that, that's none of my business."

"It's not," Izuki agrees, but he sounds amused rather than accusing. He sighs. "Thanks, senpai. I really appreciate your help."

"Sure," Kasamatsu says. He reaches out to ruffle Izuki's hair, an instinct he thinks he'll never quite shake after a year of being Kise's captain. "You'll be alright, Izuki. You're not alone."

Izuki smiles at him, soft and bright as a sunset. Then he ruins it by asking, "Do you want to hear a good joke?" and then tells it before Kasamatsu can say no.

It's a terrible joke. Kasamatsu feels like it's entirely within his rights to punch Izuki for it, so he does, and then drags Izuki off to play one-on-ones with him as punishment.

 

-

 

"Kasamatsu-senpai!" Someone is shaking him by the shoulders, hard.

Kasamatsu's eyes snap open and he sits up too fast, hitting Aida in the forehead with his own.

His head is ringing. Jesus, what is Aida's head made out of, iron? He's only mildly appeased to see that she's just as winded, clutching her forehead and groaning.

"What was that for?" she asks pitifully.

"For your shitty cooking," he grits out, remembering suddenly how he'd ended up knocked out in the middle of the afternoon. "Why would you add all this other random shit in? This is a kitchen, not a science lab!" 

He regrets everything about this, especially that moment one month ago when he'd felt so sorry for Aida that he'd offered to teach her to cook when she'd said _I tried to make a bento for Hyuuga and he got food poisoning_ and _what kind of coach gives their players food poisoning_ because he's not blind enough to not know that half of it is the coach thing and half of it is an Aida-and-Hyuuga thing. 

The whole business gives him a headache. At least Izuki seems to have made up with Hyuuga and the rest, and they seemed to have adopted Hayama for whatever reason too. All's well that ends well, as long as Kasamatsu doesn't have to deal with it.

"I'm an innovator," she argues.

"Is this what you feed Hyuuga and Kiyoshi?" he demands, not even bothering to deign that with a reply. "How are they not dead?"

Aida makes a small distressed noise and throws up her hands. "I don't know!" She buries her face in her hands.

Oh no. "Coach," he says awkwardly, "Um." He can't bring himself to say that it's not that bad, because it is. "I have some ice cream? Want some?"

She nods, still hiding her face, and he gets up and goes to the refrigerator to get the ice cream, except he doesn't have any. 

Kasamatsu whips his phone out of his pocket and texts Moriyama a furious, _stop eating all the goddamn ice cream without telling me you selfish prick._ Then he sits down to think about who he can text next, because Aida had made him swear on his life not to let the Seirin boys know what she was doing. That rules out them and Sohma and Moriyama, who are terrible people who would definitely spill the beans right away because they thought it was funny.

After a moment of frantic thinking, he pulls up Kise's contact information. _I need ice cream_

_!! kasamacchi-senpai I would love to help you but I'm at practice and a good captain puts his team first_

_shitty kouhai! this is how you repay years of emotional labor? this is an EMERGENCY_

_wow ok senpai_  
_wait_  
_I will_  
_get you_

_jesus christ could you stop texting in little bits, you know it drives me nuts_

_stop yelling at me I'm getting your ice cream to you and it'll be there in five minutes_

_thank you_  
_also I'm sorry_  
_about the emotional labor comment_  
_you're ok I guess_

_senpai you're embarrassing me with your feelings_

_I hate you_

Kasamatsu takes a steadying breath and finds a bottle of water instead, which he hands to Aida. "Change of plans, Kise's going to bring over the ice cream."

"Kise?" Aida repeats, and frowns. "Isn't he the captain of the team now?"

"He owes me," Kasamatsu says darkly.

The doorbell rings. That was faster than he expected. "Kise, were you actually at practice?" he starts to say, until he opens the door all the way and finds himself face to face with Kuroko Tetsuya. Kasamatsu remembers suddenly that Seirin is only a few bus stops away.

Kuroko says, "I brought your ice cream." He holds it out, and Kasamatsu takes it.

"Kuroko?" Aida says, coming to stand by him, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Kuroko's eyes flicker between the two of them. "Kise-kun sent me. What are you doing here?"

Aida stiffens and then laughs nervously. "Just, haha, visiting."

Kuroko pins Kasamatsu with his gaze, making him break out in a nervous sweat. Has Kuroko always been this terrifying? He makes Kasamatsu think of Akashi now, small and compact and yet somehow filling entire stadiums with his presence. Kasamatsu's no coward though, so he stands his ground and stares back flatly. He doesn't know what's going on in Kuroko's head and he's not going to be made to feel bad for something he didn't do.

Kuroko inquires, "Does this happen often?"

"Kuroko," Aida says, settling into her coach voice, her eyes cool and piercing, "That's none of your business."

Kuroko hesitates, then nods reluctantly. "I understand." He looks at Kasamatsu. "Don't call Kise again for something like this, he's busy now."

Kasamatsu blinks at him. Is he being protective of Kise? That's weird, that's Kasamatsu's job. Protect his underclassmen and occasionally dropkick them when they need it. "I'm not going to," he grumbles. "It was just this once."

"Good," Kuroko says simply and leaves without saying goodbye. Kasamatsu closes the door after him.

"That was weird, right?" Kasamatsu asks her.

"You called Kise to bring us ice cream?" Aida asks in response, eyebrows high.

"Moriyama ate the last of ours," he grumbles, ushering her back to the tiny dinner table. He opens the bag to see two cups of ice cream, one caramel chocolate chip and one chocolate fudge, both of which are Kise's favorites. Kasamatsu frowns into the bag and then shrugs, handing one to Aida. 

"I didn't need ice cream that badly," she says.

Kasamatsu sighs. "I needed it though," he says sadly. "I really did." He yelps when she punches him in the arm. "Ow! What the hell, why did you punch me so hard for?"

"You're a terrible senpai," she says.

"How dare you," he says, honestly offended, and tries to wrestle her for the ice cream back. He loses, but at least Aida doesn't look so upset anymore.

 

-

 

By the time the autumn semester rolls around, Aida's cooking problem is solved mostly because Kasamatsu starts teaching Kiyoshi to cook instead and he just cooks for everyone else (including Hayama), because he has the patience of a saint apparently. Hyuuga stops looking so sick at school and at practice and Izuki stops using Hayama as a garbage disposal, because Hayama apparently has a stomach of steel and taste buds so dead that they might as well be zombies. 

The first years acclimate to college life and to the daily, grueling practices, and Coach Niwa starts acting less like Aida is an infection that needs to be rooted out of his precious basketball program, probably distracted by the daily rigors of running the team and the Intercollegiate Competitions, but also probably because she more than proves her worth on multiple notable occasions and isn't afraid to rub it in his face when he starts on one of his tirades. 

There are only a few left on the team who refuse to call her "Coach", and they drop out of the team in the first semester anyway.

In addition to that, the news that Hayama and Izuki are gay has made it around the team, so everyone knows. Most people either say nothing and ignore it, but there are enough curious questions that the both of them eventually give in to Sohma's pestering to give what Sohma calls, "the gay seminar". Sohma's also the one who organizes it, securing a private study room and a projector. The official name of the seminar for the school bureaucracy is "Basketballs and Hoops 101".

As they're sitting down, Moriyama asks Kasamatsu, "If they were both dating Akashi, does that mean that we're basically learning gay sex from Akashi?"

"Why would you ask me that, Moriyama? Huh?" Kasamatsu groans. "Did I deserve that? Did I really?"

"I _am_ very good at it," Akashi says from Kasamatsu's other side, making Kasamatsu scream behind clenched teeth.

"How long have you been there," Kasamatsu whispers because he's too freaked out to shout, clutching Moriyama's shoulder hard and trying not to give into the urge to climb into his friend's lap for protection. Moriyama wraps an arm around Kasamatsu's waist and drags the both of them a few extra inches away from Akashi.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Akashi says, which seems like the kind of thing a super villain would say before hurting someone a lot. He's smiling patiently at them and both of his eyes are the same color, which Kise had once said was a good indicator that Akashi, the real Akashi, was in control and unlikely to stab them in the face. ("And even if it's the other Akashi, he'll probably only do it if he thinks you can dodge it!" Kise had added brightly, which had been extremely discouraging.)

The two of them ease back into their seats, but there's no way that Kasamatsu can relax with Akashi sitting right there. "What are you doing here?"

"I was invited," Akashi says calmly. "I'm sorry, you have me at a disadvantage, Mr…?" He trails off politely, his head tilted inquisitively to the side. He's smiling a little and he's beautiful, but Kasamatsu still can't believe that Hayama and Izuki dated him on purpose.

"Kasamatsu Yukio," he says, and holds out his hand. He sends up a quick prayer that he gets it back. "I was the captain at Kaijou's basketball team two years ago."

Akashi takes his hand and shakes it regally and yet somehow respectfully. "Ah," is all he says in response to that.

"Moriyama Yoshitaka," comes next, and then Moriyama adds, "I like girls."

"I see," is the response he gets, which is at least real words.

The Seirin (plus Hayama) group walk in and wave at Kasamatsu and Moriyama when they see them — and then freeze at the sight of Akashi. Hayama recovers the quickest and sprints over to stutter out, "You, you, what are you doing here Sei-chan?" He looks like he's on the verge of reaching out to touch Akashi to see if he's real, but also like he's scared to find out.

"Koutarou," Akashi greets him, "I was invited to visit this campus by the head coach. I apologize for the lack of forewarning, but I wasn't sure how to get in contact with you."

Hayama whirls around to glare at Aida and Izuki. "Did you know?"

Aida glares at him balefully. "You think I wouldn't have said something?" and then punches him in the stomach.

While he's recovering from that, Izuki says quietly, "Hello Akashi-san," the formality of it answer enough for anyone wondering how their relationship might have ended. 

Akashi inclined his head. "Izuki-san." There's enough history in that exchange that everyone in the vicinity automatically looks down at their hands as if to try to give them a sense of privacy.

Hyuuga's hands are clenching and unclenching at his sides. Kiyoshi puts a hand on his shoulder and leads him to another area of the room, Aida following after them after a moment.

"Um," Hayama says eventually, "This seminar isn't really about basketball."

Akashi looks at Kasamatsu and Moriyama, who cringe in their seats. "I gathered." He stands, graceful and imperial, and Kasamatsu instinctively hunches his head further down. There's power behind that stance, a chilling sureness that Akashi will always stand above others. Kasamatsu can't believe that this guy is the same age as Kise. "I'd like to talk to you after, if I could." He hesitates. "Both of you."

Hayama and Izuki glance at each other, and then Izuki nods slowly. "Yeah, okay."

Akashi nods, clearly relieved, and makes his exit. He leaves a vacuum of presence behind, one that leaves everyone unable to break the silence left in his wake for several long seconds.

Then Hayama clears his throat and slaps Izuki on the back firmly. "Alright! You okay?"

Izuki seems to shake himself out of a daze. He grins and responds with, "No, I'm Shun!"

Hayama bursts out laughing as the rest of the room groans.

Sohma helps them set up the projector and Kawano says, "You're not about to show us gay porn, are you? I feel like that's sexual harassment or something."

"Oh, don't worry," Izuki says cheerfully, "There's a ton of pussy in there too."

"That's not exactly what I asked," Kawano says, the pitch of his voice raising abruptly, and then the projector starts working.

 _The animal kingdom,_ a gentle female voice proclaims, _is one which relies on sexual reproduction to survive,_ and on the screen a pride of lions lounge and yawn heavily.

The room bursts out laughing, even Kawano, who has turned a splotchy red all the way up to the tips of his ears.

It's literally just five minutes of animal documentary (not even about them having sex, it's really just lions hunting and sleeping) and then Sohma turns it off and says, "Any questions?"

"Yeah, what the hell," Ogawa grumbles and then yawns, rubbing his face. He'd been planning to take an early night until Kasamatsu and Sohma had taken him aside earlier and explained quietly that it would be better for the team if he was there.

Tanaka raises his hand. "How do you decide, you know," he waggles his eyebrows, "who's on top?"

Both Hayama and Izuki snort.

"Sex isn't just about sticking your dick in someone," Hayama says, shaking his head at Tanaka. "It's like, the touching and the intimacy and giving each other what you want and they want and stuff. Consider this the gift of knowledge, dude. Now that you know that, sex is going to get so much better for you." 

Kasamatsu is suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that he has just suddenly learned way too much about how Akashi likes to have sex. 

"Is it weird," Moriyama whispers to Kasamatsu, "that I kind of want to say 'ew' but I am also kind of more impressed with Akashi as a human being than before?"

"No, I get that," Kasamatsu mutters back. "But, also, definitely ew."

Wakamatsu, a third year, leans forward with his brow furrowed. "But doesn't it feel good to, ah…"

"Stick it in?" Izuki supplies dryly. In the corner, Aida giggles from where she's sitting between Kiyoshi and Hyuuga.

Kasamatsu puts his face in his hands, realizing this is going to take much longer than he thought.

They only have the room for an hour and a half, so even though there are still some questions, Sohma wraps up the seminar and kicks them all out. In the end, it'd become more like a discussion forum than a seminar, and at one point Aida had been put on the spot when the conversation had turned to sex with women. Flustered, Aida had stammered through some basics, her face getting redder and redder before saying, "I really — I mean it's just my experience and there's not that much and I'm sure that it'd be better to ask your partner, um, c-can we please move on, I really don't feel comfortable…" and Sohma, who had taken the initiative to lead the conversation, nodded and turned the topic to things that those with experience did actually like when having sex.

When the forum finished, she'd shot out of the room in a blur, leaving Hyuuga and Kiyoshi to awkwardly say goodbye while looking down at their shoes. They'd been among the first to leave as well, though they'd kind of floated around at first as if without Aida around they had no direction.

Izuki and Hayama were the next to go. Izuki touches Kasamatsu's elbow when Akashi shows up in the doorway, and apologizes for not being able to play one-on-one tonight.

Kasamatsu blinks at him and says, "Yeah, no, sure."

The rest of the group heads off after Sohma locks the room. Kasamatsu and Moriyama keep Sohma company as he takes the key back to the school office.

"Poor Aida," Sohma says, shaking his head. "I should have stopped that discussion before it got to that point for her. Couldn't have been easy with her ex-boyfriend there."

"Ex-boyfriend?" Kasamatsu asks, surprised. He hadn't known she'd dated anyone on the team. He thought he would have noticed if she had, especially with Hyuuga and Kiyoshi looking out for her the way they do.

Moriyama stops walking and, much to Kasamatsu's alarm, starts shaking. 

Kasamatsu immediately stops with him and gets out "Dude, are you okay?" before realizing that Moriyama is laughing.

"What the hell's so funny?" Kasamatsu demands.

"Kasamatsu," Sohma says wryly, "I think you're the only one who doesn't know that Coach used to date Kiyoshi."

Kasamatsu wants to sit down. "No way," he says weakly. "Aren't they just like, really close friends?"

"Like Hyuuga and Coach?" Sohma points out.

"They're also really close friends," Kasamatsu says, and then way too much information matches up at once. Kasamatsu groans and puts his face in his hands. "No way, I hang out with them all the time. I didn't realize their relationship was so complicated." A thought strikes him. "You don't think Hayama and Izuki are involved in this, do you?"

"Why, worried?" Sohma asks breezily, and then ignores Kasamatsu's bewildered denials. "Don't they have their own drama with that Akashi kid? Man, maybe all of our first-years are stuck in some kind of menage a trois. Maybe I should take a poll."

"I didn't need that kind of information," Kasamatsu grumbles, and kicks Moriyama because the asshole is still laughing. "Why'd you even want this seminar so bad, Sohma? It was interesting, but you've been dating that Chizuru girl for ages and I thought you were pretty serious about her."

"Well," Sohma says, stretching out the word, and then they reach the office and he says, "Nah. Never mind. Don't worry about it. I gotta get this key to the office, give me a sec."

"What the fuck?" Kasamatsu calls after him.

Sohma's back out in ten seconds though and he slings an arm around Kasamatsu's shoulders and chants, "Mori, Mori, Mori, Mori," until Moriyama rolls his eyes and does the same. Trapped between the two of them, Kasamatsu finds that he has no choice but to follow them where they lead him, which turns out to be the same park that he'd taken Izuki after Maji Burger all those months ago.

Sohma and Moriyama sit him down on a bench and then sit on either side of him, arms still wrapped around his shoulders. Moriyama also swings his legs over Kasamatsu's so that Kasamatsu can't move at all.

"Seriously guys, what the fuck," Kasamatsu says. "Are you two planning to kill me? I have to say, a park ten minutes away from the apartment I share with one of you is a terrible spot for murder."

"We'll take that under advisement," Moriyama says solemnly.

"It's just that we have this friend," Sohma says.

"Who could hypothetically also be a roommate," Moriyama says, "Although roommate and friend isn't necessarily mutually exclusive, I guess."

"And we've noticed this friend has never had a girlfriend, which is totally okay."

"We just wanted him to know that if he wanted a boyfriend, that would be okay with us too."

"Oh my god," Kasamatsu says, mortified.

Sohma forges ahead. "We were also just legitimately curious," he says. "Nobody ever wants to talk about gay sex. Seemed like kind of a weird vacuum of knowledge to have when everyone else seems to be talking about not-gay sex all the time."

"Pursuit of knowledge," Moriyama nods seriously, "Important."

"It was definitely some of that first thing too though. We accept you," Sohma says solemnly.

Kasamatsu rolls his eyes at the drama. "Thanks," he says, wryly even though he means it sincerely. "I guess you guys aren't the shittiest friends in the world."

Moriyama wipes away a fake tear and places a hand over his heart. "I will carry those words with me to the grave," he says, voice cracking dramatically.

"Can you guys get off of me now?" Kasamatsu complains.

Moriyama sniffs, but swings his legs off of Kasamatsu's. 

"We both agreed that it's still not okay to date high school students though," Sohma says idly, ruffling Kasamatsu's hair.

"I'm still not dating Kise," Kasamatsu says, unimpressed, and jabs Moriyama in the side with his elbow.

"You always say that," Moriyama says dubiously, wincing. "But you're always texting him and you kind of get this, like, 'Kise look' where you look super fond but also like you're going to punch something."

"I'm always texting you assholes too," Kasamatsu points out, "and half the time it makes me want to punch something. Kise's not that special."

He basks in the lack of response, trying not to smirk.

"You make a good point," Sohma allows. Kasamatsu rolls his eyes.

Moriyama says, "What about Kise though? Does he feel the same?"

Kasamatsu scowls. "How should I know? I'm not a mind-reader and it never occurred to me to think about it. Probably not. He's more like a younger brother. A very, very annoying younger brother."

"You should ask him," Moriyama says.

"Fuck no," Kasamatsu says, scowling. "Why would I do that?"

Moriyama shrugs. "To, I don't know, clear the air."

"The air is clean already," Kasamatsu grumbles. "Don't break something that's not broken."

"You're mixing metaphors," Sohma says, because he's a picky bastard like that.

" _You're_ mixing metaphors," Kasamatsu shoots back, aware that what he's saying doesn't make that much sense. Agitated, he stands up and says curtly, "I'm heading back to the apartment, Mori. Just… give me a little time."

"Sure," Moriyama says.

Kasamatsu starts walking, and then hesitates and half-turns back to look at them. "But, you know, thanks. For the, you know," he waves a hand, "accepting me and everything. I do really appreciate it."

They smirk at him and each hold up a fist to him. He fist-bumps them both, and then tucks his hands in his pockets shyly and takes off before he can hear them laugh about it.

 

-

 

Kasamatsu mostly puts that night out of his mind. Winter's coming, and midterm exams for the second semester as well, which keeps him busy enough. Moriyama borrows an old kotatsu from his family and they set it up in the middle of their tiny living room and fall asleep there while they're studying.

Hayama and Izuki are practically joined at the hip now. Kasamatsu remembers the way they'd exchanged stories at the sex forum though, skimming over details but understanding each other on some level that probably no one else in that room could. He doesn't know what happened with them and Akashi afterward, but it's none of his business and neither of them share. Whatever it was, they work together better on the court as well, which Aida is pretty excited about.

It's a little annoying that Izuki doesn't play one-on-ones with him as much anymore, but Kasamatsu gets it, everyone gets busy.

Speaking of Aida, Kasamatsu can no longer unknow what he does about her and Kiyoshi and Hyuuga, and that means that he can't unsee the looks that both boys give her when she's not looking and the easy, casual affection that flows between the three of them. They've also achieved some kind of balance in the wake of the sex forum, though something's not quite the same as before.

Also none of his business though.

And then suddenly the Winter Cup is happening again. Kaijou made it, of course, along with Seirin and the other Generation of Miracles kids.

Kasamatsu should study, but the line-up is too amazing and Kise promises to get him and Moriyama good seats to watch. Kise texts, _we're going to kick seirin's ass this year!!!_ to Kasamatsu about five times a day and it's difficult not to get caught up in his excitement.

Kaijou matches up with Touou on the third day, and Kasamatsu wakes up that morning with his heart in his throat and butterflies in his stomach. He and Moriyama meet up in front and enter grimly, without speaking, and then Kasamatsu screams himself hoarse when the game ends, 77 to 76 with Kaijou in the lead. He actually cries a little bit when he sees Kise and Aomine shake hands at the end of the game and Moriyama is screaming too much himself to comment on it.

He and Moriyama wait outside for Kaijou to come out of the stadium, and Kise nearly flattens Kasamatsu in his excitement. "Kasamacchi-senpai!" Kise warbles into Kasamatsu's neck, too full of emotions to put any of them into words.

Kasamatsu, who had watched Kise train himself to exhaustion every day for a year for just a chance to beat one of his old teammates, clutches Kise tightly in response, blinking back his own tears.

"Captain," coughs a kid that Kasamatsu vaguely remembers. "Um."

Kise lets go and wipes his face on Kasamatsu's scarf before whirling around to face his teammate. Kasamatsu sighs and lets him. "Sorry, Takedacchi. Let's get the team back to the hotel, rest up for tomorrow. Oh, Kurokocchi, there you are."

Kasamatsu yelps when he discovers Kuroko standing right next to him. "Oh, hey," he says awkwardly, remembering Kuroko showing up at his apartment and also Moriyama asking _Does he feel the same?_ Maybe Kuroko thought that Kise was in love with Kasamatsu too. Geez, that would explain a lot from that day.

"Good game," Kuroko says to Kise, pointedly not speaking to Kasamatsu. Moriyama's eyebrows disappear into his fringe, and Kasamatsu shrugs helplessly at him. "We'll be playing against each other tomorrow then."

"We're going to kick your ass this year, Kurokocchi!" Kise exults gleefully. "Where's Kagamicchi?"

"Kuroko!" a familiar voice bellows, "Quit disappearing when we're trying to get the team home!" 

"There he is," Kuroko says.

"Oh, hey Kise, Kasamatsu-senpai, Moriuchi-senpai," Kagami says when he arrives, Seirin's foreign coach at his side.

"I'm Moriyama, actually," Moriyama says.

"Oh, shit," Kagami says, looking horrified, "I'm so sorry, Moriyama-senpai—"

Moriyama waves it off. "It's fine."

"Kuroko, stop wandering off," the blonde American woman says, "or no yakiniku night this year."

"Are you actually paying for us this time?" Kuroko asks.

She says, "Sorry, I don't understand what you said, can you speak more slowly?" in perfect Japanese.

"Alex," Kagami groans, and then grabs the both of them by the scruff of the neck and bows profusely at everyone else. "I'm so sorry that they came to bother you," he says, and drags the two of them back the way he'd come.

"See you tomorrow!" Kise calls after them and jogs off, waving at Kasamatsu and Moriyama. "You guys too, right?"

They wave back. "Wouldn't miss it!" Kasamatsu tells him, and gets a cheeky grin and thumbs up before Kise gets back to captaining.

"I can't believe you two aren't actually dating," Moriyama groans. "You two would be so cute."

"I thought you and Sohma were against me dating a high schooler," Kasamatsu points out.

"He's not going to be a high schooler forever," Moriyama mutters. "We were just saying you ought to wait until it's no longer morally suspect."

Kasamatsu rolls his eyes. "I don't want to date him now and I won't want to date him whenever that happens either. You and Sohma are weirdly persistent about this. Let's just get back, it's going to be an early morning tomorrow. Seirin and Kaijou are up first."

"I'd like to talk with you privately first," Kuroko says from beside them, forcing Kasamatsu and Moriyama to let out shrieks.

"Didn't you leave with Kagami?" Moriyama demands.

"I promised him I'd get myself home and have an early night," Kuroko says without blinking. 

This explanation seems suspect, but Kasamatsu sighs and says, "Fine." He waves Moriyama off, and his friend leaves him behind reluctantly.

Kuroko nods. "Follow me."

Of course they end up at a Maji burger. Kasamatsu buys himself and Kuroko a vanilla shake, and doesn't even realize it's weird until Kuroko gives him a questioning look. "Just, ugh, take it," Kasamatsu grumbles and shoos Kuroko into a seat in the corner of the shop.

They sit down. Kuroko considers his shake thoughtfully and then puts it down. "Let's get straight to the point," he starts, and Kasamatsu is almost not surprised when he ends with, "I really don't think you should keep playing with Kise-kun's feelings this way."

Kasamatsu puts his face on the table to take a moment to bemoan his life. From Kuroko's flinch, he hadn't been expecting that reaction at all. "I knew it," Kasamatsu mutters. "Why is this my life? How many times do I have to tell people I don't want to date Kise?"

"It's not about your feelings, it's about his," Kuroko says sternly.

Kasamatsu straightens up. "That's true," he acknowledges, and sighs. "I can't speak to Kise's feelings, because I don't know how he feels. I can only tell you how I feel, which is not nothing because he's…" Kasamatsu takes a moment to struggle with what to call Kise. A brother? A friend? His underclassman? None of these are quite right. Finally, he settles on, "He's important to me. But not because I want to date him."

"I think you should make that clear to him," Kuroko says. "You shouldn't leave things up in the air like this."

Kasamatsu is really sick of that phrase. "Nothing's up in the air," he says, frustrated. "I'm happy the way things are, and as far as I can tell, so is Kise. If he ever tells me otherwise, then we'll deal with it then, but I can't change how I feel and I'm not going to push him or myself into a relationship that neither of us want."

Kuroko is quiet for a long moment. "And if Kise-kun did want a romantic relationship from you?"

"I just said that we'd deal with it if it came up," Kasamatsu mutters.

"Humor me," Kuroko says.

Kasamatsu throws his hands up in the air and sighs. "I would tell him I don't want that," he says, "Because I don't. That's just not something I want. In general."

Kuroko blinks. "What about sex?"

Kasamatsu is pretty sick of talking about sex too. "I don't want that either," he huffs, irritated that he has to tell Kuroko this when he hasn't even explained it to Moriyama or Sohma. "It's not something I usually think about, unless someone makes their overtures really overt. Sometimes I'm into it, most of the times I'm not."

"Oh," Kuroko says, and then starts drinking his milkshake thoughtfully.

"You're not that surprised," Kasamatsu says.

"I," Kuroko hesitates, and then plows on. "I know someone else like that."

"Ah," Kasamatsu says.

They fall silent. Kasamatsu finally starts drinking his own milkshake.

Finally, he rubs his face because he definitely doesn't want to get involved and he's not sure that Kise would even forgive him for this, but: "Look," Kasamatsu says, "Kise talks about you all the time. I know you like vanilla milkshakes too because Kise told me, and I also know your favorite color and I'm also pretty sure I know where you live because Kise's described it to me before and you showed up way too fast at my door the other day. If you're here to make sure that Kise's happy, then I recommend making a decision on how you want to proceed with this information yourself and leave me out of it."

Kuroko stares at him. "What's my favorite color?"

"Oh my god, I don't actually remember," Kasamatsu groans. "Why would I hang onto that information, Kuroko? Either you take my word for it, or you don't. Ask Kise for that kind of information next time, okay?"

Kuroko nibbles at his straw, obviously turning that information over in his head. "Okay," he says finally. He ducks his head politely in a semi-bow. "Thank you for your time today, senpai."

"Now you get all polite and call me senpai," Kasamatsu grumbles. Kuroko makes as if to stand up and leave, but Kasamatsu pins him with a look and says, "Wait."

Kuroko waits.

"I may not want to date Kise myself, but I still want him to be happy," he warns Kuroko. "If you don't do that, no amount of misdirection in the world is going to save you from me."

Kuroko inhales sharply, and then nods. "Understood."

"Good," Kasamatsu says. "Now please leave."

Kuroko nods, and then is gone in the next blink of the eye.

Kasamatsu lets out another deep sigh and then says to the people in the booth next to him, "You assholes don't even have misdirection to save you today. Get over here, I've had a long day."

Sheepishly, Kiyoshi and Izuki move over to his booth.

"You don't get to tell anybody about this conversation today," Kasamatsu warns them.

They both nod frantically. "We're really sorry for listening," Kiyoshi says guiltily.

"You nosy little shits," Kasamatsu grumbles with no heat. "I oughta kick both your asses into tomorrow."

Izuki smiles. "You're a good senpai, Kasamatsu-san."

"Damn straight," Kasamatsu huffs, and then eyes them suspiciously. "I'm not fixing your lives today too. Kasamatsu Yukio's consultation booth is closed for today."

"Yes, senpai," they reply dutifully, but look oddly expectant.

He glares at them. "Fine. You," he points at Kiyoshi, "stop looking like someone kicked your puppy whenever you see Hyuuga and Aida together. You three need to sit down and have a proper conversation. Maybe get Sohma to moderate it, did you know he's interested in sex and couples therapy? And you," he points at Izuki, "your puns are terrible, but you're okay as a person even if you have worrying taste in boyfriends."

"You mean Akashi?" Izuki says, surprised.

Kasamatsu frowns at him. "And Hayama, right?"

Kiyoshi chokes on laughter when Izuki flushes bright red. "No!" he says horrified, "I'm not dating my ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend!"

"I don't know what you're laughing about," Kasamatsu says to Kiyoshi, a little nettled about having made the wrong assumption, "Even if he were, he definitely wouldn't have the most complicated relationship in the room today." He feels a little bad when Kiyoshi goes pink and slumps over in his seat.

"You're right," Kiyoshi mutters to himself, squeezing his eyes closed in self-recrimination.

"Woah," Kasamatsu says, "Hey. Stop that. You'll figure something out. Why are you so hard on yourself?" Kiyoshi seems to be really thinking about the answer to that, but Kasamatsu holds up a hand when he opens his mouth to respond. "Nope, consultation booth is closed for real now. Think on that and we'll talk about it later. Let's head back." He gets up before either of them decided they have more to say.

The train ride is long and quiet. Kiyoshi and Hyuuga share an apartment a few stops away from campus, so he gets off early and promises to be at the meeting point on time tomorrow. Kasamatsu and Izuki share the same stop.

"Hey, wanna play one-on-one tonight?" Izuki proposes.

"No, I want to sleep," Kasamatsu groans. "I have the worst headache."

"Oh, I see," Izuki says solemnly, and then quietly makes a surprisingly good chicken noise.

"Seriously?" Kasamatsu asks, eyes widening. "Did you just—"

"Bok bok," Izuki sing-songs, "Sorry, old man, did you say something? I couldn't hear it over the sound of—"

Kasamatsu knees him in the thigh, cutting him off. "I'll show you old man," he grumbles, "Bring it, young whippersnapper."

"Whippersnapper," Izuki wheezes.

"Bring it," Kasamatsu says again, firmly, and then they're at their station and Izuki jumps off the train making chicken noises. Kasamatsu chases him out the exit, gives Izuki a good punch in the shoulder for being a little shit, and then gets distracted by his phone buzzing. He flicks his messages open and grins to see the new message from Kise.

_wish me luck for tomorrow!_

Kasamatsu snorts. _you won't need luck. you've worked hard for this. you're going to win._

As usual, the reply pings back in seconds. _thanks senpai._

Kasamatsu pockets his phone and heads out into the night to play basketball as usual.


End file.
